YAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

It all sucks, regardless of name!

Source: Wash. Post

Interesting chart. Snow is predicted here in Pueblo, CO for this Thursday. I'm pretty sure I've never witnessed graupel before.

I feel like a year ago I woke up in some sort of surreal dystopian version of the world I had already grown accustomed to for thirty two years. How has this happened? Why has this been allowed?

How do we stop this?

Hey ho- I have a new blog!

My husband and I have created a beer tasting blog. He tastes and rates the beer, and I check out and rate the designs of the labels. It's called Porters and Palettes. Check it out here!

My Drag Name

Fat Girl Problems

I bought some new clothes the other day. This is normal. Less normal: I wait until the dog has eaten all my pants or I have paint on everything I own to buy new things. I have a skirt that is at least 13 years old at this point. Etc. This is because clothes buying as a fat person is not fun. And I don't mean fat as in Dove commercial fat or Instagram fat. I mean fat as in- "Geez, why doesn't this bitch just invest in some muumuus and wall herself up in her bedroom already". Whatever y'all- Darlene Cates lived to be 69 so suck it. Side note: do not let little fat girls watch What's Eating Gilbert Grape? That movie scarred me for life. FOR. LIFE.

Anyway, it's super fun to look for clothing when your measurements aren't even acknowledged to exist by most clothing designers/manufacturers. I managed to find some stuff, even a couple mildly cute things. But I also had to deal with a whole lotta bullshit.

Now selling a size 3X shirt to a size 3X person by displaying it on a size 2 model is deeply stupid enough (looking at you Modcloth).  But check out these sweet treats I saved, just for you, my non-existent readers.

This first one is a double whammy of suck. First off, I want you to notice this shitty garbage site. I go to it because it has great deals! And also, I have no other choice! Cool! It used to be called "Woman Within". That is exceedingly awful and gross. "We here see you as more than a gross fat monster- we see the woman within you. Though the outside is, still, a gross fat monster. Now give us your money!" Awful. Again, I have no choice.

Recently (within the last year or so) they changed the name to "Fullbeauty" which is . . . fine. Whatever. At least it's not blatently offensive. Yet this screenshot is from only a few days ago. Notice the top sales banner. Hey Fullbeauty: your web person is slackin'. Get on that shit. Don't remind me how even eviler you used to be while I'm trying to give you money.

This same screenshot shows another fun thing. When searching for underpants (panties is a gross and awful word) this is what I got while doing a search for my size. Four options. all shaping solution bullshit. I already have a shape, thanks. It's called ROUND and I LIKE IT THAT WAY. The frustrating part is that this is a lie- they sell underpants in all sizes, my size included, in various styles. But when you do a search this is all that comes up. I had to scroll through all the styles to find others. HMM. INTERESTING.

Le terrible.

I noticed while browsing that Mellissa McCarthy's collection is now up. When I heard this announced I remember thinking "Girl, why? You always look bad." I hate her constant long sleeved floor length gown bullshit. Anyway, look at these clothes in the pic. The cardinal fat girl clothes sins are all here in this one pic. Ugly prints, animal style prints, French shit. Man, of all the stuff about fat girl clothes I don't get, the constant French language and imagery stuff is the most baffling to me. Anyway, it's mostly ugly, only goes up to 3x, and is VERY expensive. Guys, I just dream of a day when I don't have to pay thirty bucks for a goddamn tank top. 

Finally I will leave you with my personal favorites. I thought it was just this one individual underwear listing but it turns out there are a LOT. Enjoy these pics of tiny models selling plus size clothing that is apparently made entirely out of photoshop. Or, honestly, MS Paint. 

 "Because fuck you, that's why."

MST3K: The New Class

Reviewing the New MST3K: Episode One

I backed the new MST3K project, meaning that I got a sneak peak at the first episode on Sunday. The full season will be released this Friday but I'd like to share my thoughts.

THIS REVIEW DOES NOT CONTAIN SPOILERS. I took no screenshots, I'm not revealing the movie they riff, I'm not going into details. I'm sure those things can be found online in a second (and I would argue sharing those details aren't really outside of the spirit of the show), I just want to focus on the show itself and not the details right now. So I'm just going to discuss my thoughts about the new cast, set, riffs, etc. Keep in mind two things when reading this- I really hate change and this is probably my all-time favorite TV show. (Edited to add: meaning, I'm going to appear fair on the outside while hating the changes with every fiber of my being on the inside.)

(These are notes I took while watching. I wrote them on the inside of a cardboard Pocky box.)