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A Short Story

I received an email today.

Let me paraphrase it for you.

"Dear Halestorm,

This is the Federal Loan Servicing agency. We are concerned that you haven't sent us your student loan repayment of $50 yet for this month. You know, the one we cashed a day ago? That's the one.

Without it we can't buy more tanks and this makes us very sad. 

If we could suck the knowledge back out of your head as repayment, we would. But we can't. (Yet.) So please send us our money. Pwease?

Sincerely,

The person who cashed your check less than 24 hours ago."

Me, at this point:

"OK then," I sez to myself. "I'll show your dumb asses." I scroll to the bottom of the email.

"Contact Us" you say? Click click, motherfucker.

Perfect.

The end.

If Ur Bored

Check out the best website on the internet if you need a time waster for this fine Wednesday morning.

The Worst Things For Sale

I don't know who runs it but it fills me with such joy every time I visit it. (Smugness is a kind of joy, right?)

Such Wonderful Business

Promo time!

Blue Ring Octopus Mini Illustration

New in the shop:

Haleyllujah comic prints! 8.5" x 8.5" full color matte prints signed by me.

Mini illustrations/ paintings in various designs. These are original pieces of art that are note card sized- perfect for framing and priced to make them the perfect gift.

ALL items in the shop are free shipping, always! Hit the "Shop Art" button on the top of this page to check out my new stock.

Upcoming:

Look for more original illustrations in the shop, as well as some new and simple sewn products priced perfectly to mix and match.

The Holidays are coming (cue "Jaws" theme) so be sure to check out my Froebel origami stars- they make great gifts and can turn any tree or garland into something magical.

Also look for again this year my ornament keepers- double lined fabric bags perfect for storing your precious ornaments. I've used mine for years and it sure beats using decade old newspapers!

Other: 

I finally named my comic (as you may have noticed)! It's now called "Haleyllujah Comics". The fun part about this new name is that, because it's a play on the word hallelujah which has double Ls in it, I can now no longer spell my own name correctly!

Halleyllujah

NOOOooooooOOooOOoooOO!


Until next time-

H.N.

New Name

Clay Tutorial

Illiterati

By Haley

First Impressions: Arkansas vs. Colorado (Part One)

By Libby

Moving to Colorado from Arkansas has been quite a change for me thus far. Though I have lived here  in Pueblo for less than a year, I have already noticed many differences between my home state and my new wild west playground. Here are some observations I have come across between the two so far.

My Review of Avatar (AKA Why I Now Believe We Should Sink James Cameron to the Bottom of the Ocean)

By Haley

Oh Avatar- the bloated idiot corpse of a franchise that never should have existed.  But sadly, no matter the quality level of the first one, Avatar 2 is coming up your butt and around the corner soon whether you like it or not. So what better time to become familiarized with the original  than before a pack of corporate d-bags starts ragging on you to watch the sequel.

Craft Lover

By Haley

OBEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Haley

As I have been thinking a lot lately about what exactly the term "healthy lifestyle" means, I want to share something with you now that is very special to me. It's my favorite obnoxious dieting web ad that I've ever seen. So much so that this image has literally been on my computer for years.

What a great solution! Just fucking obey. Slightly fat? Really fat? Remove-a-wall-from-the-house-so-you-can-go-outside fat? Chubby, chunky, curvy, plump, obese, pregnant (I SEE YOU AD), old, young, cute, ugly, sad, sick, happy, content, WHATEVER: just fucking obey and everything will be OK.

Obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey obey.

Maybe a healthy lifestyle just means disengaging from the conversations that people have about what constitutes a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it just means ignoring all the charlatans and false prophets who want to make a buck off of your misery (or change you happiness into misery and then profit off of that). Maybe it just means that people should just do what makes them feel sane instead of sexy. Do work on the bodies we HAVE not the bodies we WANT. Feed the feelings that we want to feel. Obey ourselves.

Anyway, I don't even know what the ad was selling because I didn't click. I will never click. Besides, it's always some version of speed + a berry that white people have never heard of anyway.

Rugged People

By Haley

Haley Presents: The Review of Netflix Presents: "The Characters"

By Haley

(L-R) Berlant, Early, Lapkus, Zebrowski, Robinson, Rothwell, Brown, Downs

I recently (OK, last night) finished watching all eight episodes of the new Netflix series "The Characters". Going into it I was nervous- the trailer I had watched weeks earlier seemed truly terrible. However, the experience turned out to be more of a mixed bag than just a outright disappointment, with a few of the comedians featured really blowing me away.
Let's start with the good. Out of the eight comedians who were each given a thirty minute show to do . . . pretty much whatever they wanted with, three really stood out to me. They are the works of Natasha Rothwell, Paul W. Downs, and John Early.

Pretty on the Inside (Clip Art on the Outside)

By Haley

Let's talk about memes again. What are they used for? Some memes want to amuse you, others serve as a shorthand for human interaction (easier to post a happy birthday pic than to type out all those annoying letters). Some serve to illustrate a point or convey a message.

But many, many memes exist to make the poster feel better about themselves through useless nonsense.

Here is a good example.

First off, note the classic meme tactic of random capitalization and punctuation. The sentences don't even end or begin on the same lines. Also, the graphic (which appears to be bridal themed?) that has nothing to do directly with the text. Of course we also have our obvious and obnoxious promo blurb on the pic- always a gamble. Will it direct you to the best case scenario or to the worst case? Worst case being some virus riddled "meet singles in your area" internet hellhole, best being a page full of similarly shitty memes.

But what about the message? Based on the content- the beauty is on the inside stuff, the prayer bit at the end- this is is a meme for ugly passive aggressive religious women*. I added on the passive aggressive part because I have never seen/heard/experienced anyone saying that they would pray for the people who don't them in a non-passive aggressive way (the word "sweetie" tends to get thrown around in those situations a lot also, as I have noticed). 

Moving away from the religious part, I just want to reiterate how icky this meme makes me feel overall. The message here is smug and self-serving for anyone who posts it- the subtext of a post like this is always " . . . and I am this kind of beautiful, me, right here, the poster of this meme." Plus, if it's posted by a conventionally attractive woman then it is doubly self serving because it's pretty easy to preach the gospel of inner beauty when you have already experienced the benefits of outer beauty. It's kind of like people with rich parents talking about pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. I guess I just think that some of the power behind turning the other cheek is removed when the other cheek is just as perfectly contoured as the first.

So this is a shitty meme and you need to help out here because of it. Do your part: don't pass this kind of crap around and don't encourage those who do. Positive OR negative reinforcement for people who post this stuff will not help (because boy, do religious people love negative reinforcement- "hell" and all that). And, if you are a religious person reading this, please send a little prayer out for the artist or clip art designer who made the graphic that ended up on this dumb meme. They are probably really hungry and sad right now and could use all the help they can get.

* This is a joke. Don't get mad at me uggos, for I am one of you.

Lady Strikes

By Haley

Updates for 3/6/16

By Haley

This week, after the robust greetings we gave to our new contributors, Ann and Libby, everyone was allowed to go back to their corners and start writing some new pieces, which will start appearing tomorrow (3/6/16).

Also, I changed the commenting system to allow for easier commenting. You don't need a blogger account to comment anymore, and you can even comment anonymously!

Otherwise just please don't forget to check out our affiliates, Accidentally Awesome Art and Martin Newman's Art, for new items weekly.

Also, Throw Back Thursday drawings, which used to be featured on this blog, are now here and have a NEW drawing- #28: Zoe (shown above).

That's all for this week but stay tuned for more!

-Haley

Trickle Down Scratchenomics

By Haley

An Interview with Annonymous

By Haley

Well . . . here is my interview with this blog's other new contributor, Annonymous (Ann). We met over video chat, though her side was so darkened that it was hard to make out her face or her surroundings. The interview didn't last long, but she gives great clues as to what she is going to be writing about. Kind of.

Beginning of Interview

2/25/16

Haley: Thanks Ann for agreeing to video chat with me on                              .

Ann: Omit that please. People don't need to know what chat platforms I use.

Haley: Ann, you have decided to join this blog anonymously. Why is that?

Ann: The things I want to write about are not necessarily things I want the whole world to know about me. But I still think they need to be said. Simple as that.

Haley: Well that makes me feel a bit nervous, heh heh.

Ann: I'm OK with that.

[Awkward pause.]

Haley: OK, well, what types of things are you going to be writing about?

Ann: Well I'm certainly not Edward Snowden if that's what you're thinking. I don't know any state secrets or anything like that. I just have a lot of thoughts about certain topics that exist in legal grey areas.

Haley: Are you talking about, like, having dirt on other people? Or is it drug stuff? Sex stuff? Please don't let it be sex stuff.

Ann: Maybe the second one.

Haley: So you're basically Walter White, is what you're saying?

Ann: No. I'm just an average person who has a lot of experience with a very politicized topic, one that even in our current cultural climate puts people at risk to acknowledge their involvement with.

Haley: Average person, huh? An average person who lives in the city of . . . ?

Ann: I think you are hung up on the anonymous part. Let it go. It is what it is.

Haley: My husband hates that phrase

Ann: Good to know. I care very deeply about what your husband, a person whom I have never met, thinks about a random phrase.

Haley: Ann, you're sassy and I love it.

[A small crash is heard in the background from Ann's side.]

Ann: I have to go.

Haley: Ok but-

[Ann's screen goes blank.]

So there you have it. Ann wants to keep her background secret to avoid being connected directly to the topics she wants to discuss. Fair enough. I don't know how often she will be contributing but you can find her future works under the label "Ann".

Porn Names and Ugly Students: An Interview with Dr. Libby Newman

By Haley

Today I would like to introduce one of my new contributors, a person I know very well and am excited to be collaborating with: my mom, Dr. Elizabeth Newman.

An Arkansas native, Libby (as she likes to be called by people other than her children), moved to Pueblo, Colorado in the back half of 2015. Recently retired from teaching sociology at the University of Arkansas, she brings an insight and expertise into evaluating modern society.

To learn a little about Libby and what she's all about I conducted a formal-ish interview with her recently to learn a little bit more about what makes her tick.

New Attributions

By Haley

Just a quick note. Two new contributors have joined The Curious Conscience: Libby and Ann. You can click on their pictures to the right to learn about them.

Please note that on all posts there will now be an attribution byline/ending tag for each contributor. However: I am not going back through eighty-odd posts and adding my name to every one by hand so previous posts will just be tagged under my name with no byline. Future posts will say who the author is and will be tagged under their name so you can easily find all the work by that author.

Please check out the new bios and get ready for to meet Ann and Libby!

Tampon Task Force

New Look

Welcome to the new look!

The Accidentally Awesome blog has become The Curious Conscience.

Like the tagline says, this blog will continue to have reviews, essays, comics, and other assorted pop-culture based nonsense but with a more focused eye towards cultural awareness.

I chose the new name because curiosity is the basis of my existence. Accidentally Awesome was named for my experimental nature and similarly this blog's new version draws on those same themes. Just as with the things I create myself, I believe that being curious about art and entertainment requires a certain level of social consciousness: art doesn't exist in a vacuum. The power structures that exist play a huge role on what makes it into our TVs, theaters, and radios. Paying attention to that doesn't mean stuff still can't be fun, it just helps to understand our world better.

If you have ever read any of the pieces on this blog you might already be aware that I engage with culture through a specific lens. Caring about things like race and gender and how they are presented isn't something I strive to do- it naturally affects my enjoyment of the entertainment I consume. So this is a natural extension of how I already write and think. Besides that, it makes it more personal. Anyone can tell you if a movie is good, but they won't always tell you if it might hurt the way you look at your friends, family, and neighbors like I will.

With this new format I hope to welcome a new contributor in the upcoming couple of weeks, someone who has extensive experience in topics that influence our culture. She has a lot to say and has a real gift for punching upwards so her inclusion should be fun and refreshing. 

I hope that you enjoy the new format. The new pieces that are coming together are going to be fun and interesting and I hope everyone will stick around to see it come to fruition!

Internet Hell

Last week, someone who I care about very much betrayed me on Facebook (and no, I will not name names).  They posted onto my wall in front of everyone (well not everyone, friends only- got that security down tight) a meme so horrible, so lazy, so treacly, that I may never be able to look at this person the same way again. That's right, it was a Minions meme.

What possesses otherwise sane and rational people to pass these garbage memes along like the digital herpes that that they are? I suspect it's the same reason "likes" flow like a raging river and "unlikes" are equally tossed about with an easy callousness on Facebook. And that reason is that people are dumb.

No, the reason is that most people don't think too hard about the images that whiz past them while scrolling about. It's just so easy to click an impulsive "like" and "share" as one wastes time on Facebook. As a consequence of this casualness there is a body of work allowed to fester and grow there, a lazy and incompetent collection of memes so outrageously bad and inept that pity is bypassed and only scorn must remain. These images, and other nonsense from around the web, make up what I can only call:

INTERNET HELL

And make no mistake, we're all burning in it all the time. Let's see some examples, shall we?

If your friend loves you more than your lover that might be a problem.

 Now this is not the meme that was posted to my wall (the one I received was worse in some ways) but this one has floated down my newsfeed MORE THAN ONCE. It has several hallmarks of an awful meme. First, children's cartoon images aimed at adults. Second, random schmaltzy (often nonsensical) text combined with images that have nothing to do with the text. And third, poor spelling and grammar (not so much an issue here, though it has no punctuation).

And finally, the issue that truly pisses me off: images that have been modified by people who have no idea how Photoshop or Illustrator or, hell, Ms-paint work. This Minions meme appears to have been modified at some point possibly (the two font styles, the poor spacing, color vs. black text) but it has held up fairly well ("well" being used subjectively here). Here is a better example of the modification issue:

Is this funny? I don't know. I've seen this posted by multiple people. I think the joke has to do with how strippers exist? Regardless, notice how the text is blurry. This image has been saved (most likely as a jpeg, a file type that can degrade over time) and resaved and reposted many times it appears. It possibly has been crudely placed on different colored backgrounds to appear as though it's a new meme, possibly for multiple people to try and claim ownership of it. And this blurry, badly aligned mess is the aftermath.

But as bad as these are . . . I have worse. It has become a sick obsession for me to collect these. As I post them here I will purge them from my computer's files, thus cleansing my hard drive and my soul.

As a final thought, I would like again to point out that every time Grandma posts a Snoopy meme about how much she loves her grandkids it's not time to pull out the pitchforks and torches. It's way too easy too absentmindedly engage with bad stuff out there- a click here, a click there and suddenly your friends are hiding your feed. So let's remember- don't blame those who repost, for they know no what they do. Blame the people who are creating these memes.

For it is they who must be stopped.

Social Tedium Part Two: No Follower Boogaloo

Social media can be scary and challenging but most of all, it can be baffling. What actually can compel someone to click through to unfollow someone on Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr when I can barely muster the energy to click "like" on stuff?

Come with me on my this semi-regular journey where I try to deduce the whens and whys of people dumping me like a hot sack of garbage.

This week's episode: "That seems about right."

Introducing . . .

Shhhhhhhhhhhh . . . this isn't an official launch.

BUT. You can now find my work for sale at AccidentallyAwesomeArt.com. Woooo! Fancy!

Because of this blogs are going to be done differently here now. This blog is going more personal while my business' site blog will be more about my products and art stuff. It will be more visual, and this blog will be more about the written word from now on.